but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
