She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
