What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
