Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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