yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and she was petting her beer can
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
