so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
