are you still at the devil's house?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
