i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
