it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
