Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
