I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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