I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
