I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i love accidental penises.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize