Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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