you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
