Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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