I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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