its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
