You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
