Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
