I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
