remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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