You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
