And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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