saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I will pee on everything he values.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize