Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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