So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
