Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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