If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
