Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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