Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
