Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
