perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Everclear isn't food dammit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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