I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
