sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
