wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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