I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize