I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
