so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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