That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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