one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
