Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
