called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
