Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize