Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
