More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
