matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nicole vs. Life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize