Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
