I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
