somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
