Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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