dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
