I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
