Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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