I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
