I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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