woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
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