im six kinds of drunk right now
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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