when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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