We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
