It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
