The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
