So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
