I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
