Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
