yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
