dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
