Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
