trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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